Found my daughter's shoes left out on our front stoop and I had to take a picture of them. Thoughts going through my head were..."Oh, I love how cute and little her feet are" and "I hope she never outgrows these!" Normally I'm fine with our children growing up....I know I've been there for every step of the way! But- that day these feelings caught me and took hold. Maybe because she's our youngest? Maybe because this is the first time we've had a 2 year old without another child on the way? I remind myself that I'm happy. We're blessed with 3 wonderful children. And how I GET TO spend my days raising them while learning more and more about them and myself.
Today I came across this article from this blog and I couldn't believe how much it instantly spoke to me....right to my heart. Tears flowed....still flowing in fact. ;) I want to write to the author and let her know that she put to words EXACTLY what I've been experiencing over the past 6 years as a mama. So true and so touching. Finding good-for-the-soul articles like these are what keep me in the blogosphere.
Last month when we were at my extended family reunion, the cousins of the youngest generation (the one I'm in) were asked to stand up and introduce themselves. When my turn came, I stumbled a bit which normally isn't like me! I'm normally very planned and together....but at this moment I was distracted and caught of guard...probably tired too. I think I said something like...."I'm a mom of 3 children age 5 and under---who I'm sure you've all seen running around here somewhere! My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years and we live in Logan, Utah." I later was kinda hard on myself about it...thinking why didn't I mention that I write?! Why didn't I at least list the names of my 3 children, why didn't I share what my husband does? These are all things that we've worked very hard at and are important, so why didn't I represent our family better? I know, kinda dramatic but I guess I was having one of those moments that made me think about how I may have been perceived on the outside was differently than how I feel about myself on the inside. After reading the above linked article, I no longer regret how I chose to describe myself because I too think being a mother is my best quality!
"When someone asks me to describe myself, I first say, "I am the mother of two boys," and that is no mistake. It's not because of regret or a confused response that I don't put myself first. It is my immediate response because it is my best quality -- not because it defines me. I am many other things. It's my best quality because what I continue to endure as a mother makes me feel strong. Every time I let go, every time I allow them to be who they are and go easier on myself, I feel amazing. It takes a warrior to love someone this much, and not completely lose your mind in the process.
If you are a mother, a soon-to-be mother, or a woman with the unstoppable desire to become a mother, prepare yourself for a lifetime of anguish and heartache. Prepare for disappointments, regrets, and feelings of helplessness at times. Prepare to be forced into reflection and constant change. Prepare to be the strength and the rock, and to love someone so much it causes pain. Prepare to be painfully astonished at how complete you feel because of it. That tiny human you created unknowingly forces you to become the best version of yourself.
Over time, he or she is the protector of your life, the healer of your wounds, and the reason you feel completely safe. Our greatest victories in life come from those for whom we've worked the hardest. And that is why I will always be a mother first.
Because it tells the world I am a warrior."
I don't know how I missed this post before but I love it. I am a warrior too. They continue to help me to become a better me, it's been filled with so much heartache but so much joy too. Thanks for writing. I'm always uplifted by you!
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